The short summary of the beginning and an end:

It was Jan. 2009, when my world suddenly tilted on its axis. My husband and I were sitting in the office of my therapist. This was our fourth meeting with all 3 of us. Marie had been treating me – for grief and depression - for five months. Ever since Diane, a very dear friend, died after a long struggle with breast cancer.

At a certain point in my theraputic process, it was clear that the intimacy and openness that I experienced with friends while caring for Diane, was not in my marriage. I wanted to change that. So I invited John to join me therapy. Discussion about his reserve and remoteness ultimately led to this exchange:

Marie: “So, John, what is your real name?”

John: “Janet”

Thus began the long and traumatic grieving process, the end of a marriage, the rebirth of two people, and the education of a family and community into the transgender world.

The “stages of grief” doesn’t begin to cover the emotional tidal wave of something so misunderstood and foreign. Everyone understand death and illness – but transition? Being a man who wants to be a woman? Everyone shakes their head, completely baffled.

For over three years, I have:

· Kept the “secret” from friends and family

· Hidden from friends in public when “JJ” – who is still closeted – is spotted

· Had to explain to old and dear friends about his/her dress, earrings, makeup

· Been completely furious with JJ with a killers instinct towards Janet who had ruined our lives...then..

· Been completely furious at the angry stares of others when Janet and I walk down the street, this time with the opposite instinct to protect Janet...

· Spent hours and hours doing “trans 101” with friends and family who want to try and understand

· Spent hours and hours weeping, wailing, becoming suicidal, and leaning on friends for support

· Spent hours and hours looking for a new place to live – then deciding against it – then changing my mind – again and again, until I ultimately move out of our family home

· Had to tell our son his father’s diagnosis and plans to transition

· Did the same with my 80 year old parents, sister, nieces and nephews

· Lost 35 pounds from anxiety and grief

· Created a new life and home – while creating a new relationship with my husband - one based on friendship, love, and shared history. But not a shared future.

Each of these moments has it’s own plotline and drama. And my life still is changing and evolving. But where are you in your journey?